Weather. It's also OK to talk about the same thing more than once. debts? What a lot these have in common is that they are representative of truly possible changes. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. The right questions can get you closer than you’ve ever dreamed. The night I asked her ‘why do you love me?’ and all she could give me was ‘because you’re a good father’ was when she finally agreed to see someone. "This is a 'deep' question not suited for light-hearted moments," Jonathan Bennett, a relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle. Understand what each of you wants out of life. Read The Five Love Languages, he told us. Yes, it is highly important that you talk to your girlfriend about her special dreams. "The topics may not change, but your perspectives, your understanding of them, and how you see them as individuals and as a couple will.". yours? The suburbs? One would not enjoy being a mere caddy while you’re golfing or a personal assistant while you are shopping. What kind of treatments would you seek-religious, holistic, scientific? Do you want to own a house? Plus, there’s a lot of children who need parents. Were they one-offs, or were they repeated? Be very certain, you both like fucking to the same degree. “Be as patient and loving as you can, but you need to know where each other stands on some things and how firmly. Some couple’s ‘downs’ are 50 times better than other couple’s ‘ups,’ but nevertheless, things fluctuate. Want to build a strong connection and get closer to her? Can’t recognize mold on bread? And since it's always changing, you technically can't run out of things to say. Do you want to rent and invest money? Since couples historically hate talking about money, chances are you haven't discussed finances lately — if at all. budget? What if we had a four-year-old who poured a glass of milk into your hard drive? I’d also like to know their stance on cheating—it’s a deal breaker for me, and would make me think twice about tying myself to this person for life if they have a ‘flexible’ view on this kind of thing. 100 Dirty Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend … If the answer is shallow don’t get married. Do you plan to keep working after we get married? My fiancée earns nearly twice what I do, but says she wants to be a stay at home mom until the youngest is 10-12 years old. I’m the queen of random and dumb questions, so we don’t usually run out of topics to talk with my boyfriend. I know it’s easy for someone in my position to blame their spouse. Long-term personal goals for accomplishments and what support will be required there (aka, don’t spring it on your husband 2 years into marriage that you’ve always wanted to hike the blue ridge parkway so buck up buster, it’s happening. Do you have it? "There is always more to learn about a person," Fassazadeh says. , short term for Xmas or vacation, date night or hobbies come out of your individual accounts. It's totally OK to let topics come up naturally, to chat about the weather, or to simply sit quietly and enjoy each other's company. This involves principles, culture and choice of lifestyle. Do you want your kids to have it if you don’t? We also agreed to not hold any of these issues over each other’s head, for whatever reason. How many would you find ideal, and when? It should be a lot, but there should be room. You don’t need a lot of money to be happy but at least you should have ENOUGH. SHOPPING – Shopping is a girl’s best therapy to relieve stress and enjoy. Can’t pay bills? “Money. But it's always important to talk to a dermatologist about any medical concerns you may have. You can’t always just talk about fun things. Your SO might have a former partner who is prone to causing personal and professional havoc in their lives, whom they don’t know how to deal with, but honestly don’t want to have sabotaging their new relationship. Discussions are essential. Aside from issues that are directly money-related, questionable relationships need to be examined. All too often, people assume that this kind of issue will simply ‘go away’ once the ex sees how serious they are about their new life (‘they’ll leave me alone once I’m married’).”, “I asked a ton of questions, but ultimately I wanted to see how my wife stood up and compared when we traveled together. Hobbies? Once you stumble upon something interesting or something they are interested in, keep talking about that for a while. Do these symptoms appear near your inner thighs, armpits, chest, groin, or buttocks? So if that's what's happening, go with the flow. Also, that religion extends to his/ her relatives who you will be meeting and spending holidays with. What if I do? Where do you want to live? Are there deal breakers? There will be moments of silence in your relationship, as well as moments of great conversation and deeper discussions. Be wary of people who keeps on saying excuses…at least try right?”. Or perhaps you want to travel with your spouse for a few years before settling down. What if she decides she doesn’t want kids. As Bennett says, "It can be a great way to be vulnerable with each other. Talk about what if he loses his job. It's easy to get stuck in a career field for the paycheck, instead of for the passion. This way there would be no surprises later on. Subscribe for help where you need it most, we’re here for you! What if I can’t live in a house without a cat? "Stop trying to talk about 'new' things," Dr. Josh Klapow, a clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. Part ways and visit friends, try a solo hobby, or simply spend some time alone. All of that said, don't feel pressured to talk 24/7, if you (or your partner) don't want to. Our financial plan is to always keep our family’s needs under my husband’s income. It’s normal to feel so and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Admit it, people can’t truly be neutral, and we all have biases based on how we are brought up and the environment we lived in. Write down a list, both of you, of how you see your lives going and what you’ll need to get there. resilient and connected, closer to God, and even in reaching out around you. Do you want them? asking each other questions. If you'd like to chat about fun things, here are a few ways to strike up a conversation with your partner, even if it feels like you've already talked about everything. This one is similar to the “where would you live” question above. Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page. We can say we need a break to cool off and walk away for a while or sleep on it. How are we going to handle household duties? What would they like to work on in your relationship? Do you want it? Do you have any significant debt/bankruptcy/terrible credit stuff/student loans? She has a best friend who has 3 kids, we get invited to all 5 of those people’s birthdays along with her best friend’s sister’s birthday, and their parents’ birthdays and aunts and uncles. What habits, experiences or events led to any noteworthy problems in the past? These new topics and questions will keep you active and interested in one another! Can you deal with it the rest of your life? Do you want to rent and just blow all your money? 2020 Bustle Digital Group. I didn’t know that my spouse was 40k in debt (non-college loans) and hadn’t filed an income tax for years before we got engaged. Need help finding a dermatologist? “If you’re young, discuss education. If you really want to get to know him well, these are the best things to talk about with your boyfriend. There's nothing quite like a rousing game of Trivial Pursuit — or another game that gets your mental gears turning — so dust yours off and get to playing. A lot of thing you’ll know if you’ve been together long enough. plan to pay off? "Oftentimes we feel we must fill all of our space with entertaining chatter," Stacey Greene, relationship expert and author, tells Bustle. Are we going to vaccinate our kids, or are we unfit parents who shouldn’t reproduce? You indicated that someone in your family has been diagnosed with HS. If it sounds ripped from a Nicholas Sparks novel… fuckin’ run, man.”, “Anything to do with pre-nups, kids, and where do you see yourself in 30 years.”. “Figure out who is paying the bills (not covering the cost, I mean literally sending off the check) and if you want a joint account to do that. Once you know the important conversations to have, you can determine the best approach for having these talks. Definition of ‘affordable?’ Etc. Big stuff, small stuff, goofy inside jokes that always make you laugh, everything you love. Fess up to your embarrassing moments, whether they happened five minutes ago, or five years ago, Leina Rodriguez, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. By knowing what your partner regrets, you can work together as a couple to ensure history doesn't repeat itself. It means more things to do together and more things to talk … I think the norm is for the partner with less interest in sex to stick it out until the marriage is finalized and then bring the frequency of intercourse down to their preferred level. THEY NEVER SEE THIS. You could start the conversation by talking about some xyz car or bike that you found interesting, leave it to the guy from there on. “Kids—do you want children or not? you can scorch the earth and win the fight! What if my mom doesn’t like you? Baby names (can be surprisingly divisive)? Inability to control emotions. what’s your monthly nut? if neither of you are active do they intend to start attending worship in the future? Carrying over into the family section, are we going to be enjoying our time off, or traveling to visit family often that one of us may not enjoy seeing? I rather adopt than do it with someone else. This was created after he spent $500 of money we didn’t have. No one ever said you have to be a complete open book, just because you're in a relationship. So go ahead and get real. “Make sure the person wants to marry you, too. In the car? Even if it’s not for health/religion reasons? Or throw out a fun topic — like, "do you think aliens exist? But there are ways to remedy it all the same. Good luck and happy living ”. How will you handle the difference, and what happens if you have a child that will not make it or is severely disabled and you find out pregnant? It was a stressful time and if I didn’t know how my husband would react beforehand, it would’ve been more stressful.”. You need to be aware of a person’s general financial state long before getting to this point, then have a level conversation: how are you going to manage finances as a family? I also don’t like to be hounded on how I spend my own well-earned discretionary income. "Second, you must answer as honestly as possible. Klapow says it's very natural to have ups and down in a long-term relationship, including moments of boredom, and that it's rarely a sign of deeper problem. And still wanted to marry me. NOBODY KNOWS IT EXISTS. "These types of bizarre and random questions can spur new and stimulating conversation," Ashley L. Annestedt, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker, tells Bustle, while also helping you step out of a boring routine. No lies here. Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. This kind of conversation isn’t easy, but marriage is (supposed to be) kind of a big deal. And when you run out of that discretionary fund, you don’t go out. I got engaged recently and have a solid 6 months to go for my marriage and till then we are in the process of getting to know each other. Serious Things To Talk About With Your Boyfriend. can one or both of you work from home? "The thing about money is that it’s the type of conversation you can keep having and it never gets stale, especially as you begin reaching new milestones in your life," Andrea Woroch, a finance and budgeting expert, tells Bustle. “Money is of course the big one… The overall picture is important, AKA what debt, retirement, savings do we have, but how it will be handled in the future is more important… do we both agree on not buying toys or vacations on credit, do we agree on the type of cars, houses, clothes, toys, etc., we will buy, do we have the same retirement goals, how will be figure out disagreements, how or will we combine accounts, etc. Do you want to try something new? With a premarital counselor, therapist or head of a religious institution is the most common, but for tech-minded millennials or those looking for a low-cost, convenient option, there's also Lasting.. And who knows? We go. All rights reserved. What's bothering them? "These questions let you know more about your partner, what they may regret, what inspires them, and what brings them happiness," Kimberly Hershenson, LCSW, a licensed therapist in New York City, tells Bustle. On the flip side, some people don’t want kids, and that’s also incredibly important to discuss. 15 Things To Talk About With Your Girlfriend To Bring You Closer Conversation topic with your girlfiend. Can I count on you? Are there crazy exes who pop up every 5-10 years? "You might gain a greater understanding of your partner’s values and choices.". Your spouse or significant other is your partner in living your dream and vice versa. It's simple, since all it involves is (you guessed it!) So make a point of shaking things up. I speak from a failed marriage. Similarly, you can learn more about each other's pasts by chatting about regrets. The best deep conversations wander from thought to thought naturally, but they all begin somewhere. You should speak with a dermatologist about your answers to this quiz to get a proper diagnosis. When you've succumb to boredom, or are in a stodgy routine, it's easy to just go through the motions without keeping an eye out for funny moments. I’m not Christian but was raised in a Christian family. This comes out to something going on each month. It is natural to have dreams. If we have kids, do you plan to take time off to raise them? Has anyone in your family been diagnosed with HS or experienced HS symptoms? Do you need both partners to be the same religion? Who can/will/wants to cook? Lack of empathy. I do, and I wouldn’t want to settle down with someone who is fundamentally opposed to having children. So if you're at a loss for what to talk about, this might be your ticket. Do you believe in abortion? Also check – Random things to talk about with your boyfriend / Things to talk about over text. Are we going to hold each other accountable and support healthy eating habits and some sort of exercise, or are we going to be lazy, gain a combined 200lbs, and end up getting diabetes and hip replacement together at 40?”. There are many interesting topics that boys love to speak about, and they are not all that hard to find. Career. I spent a lot time helping my ex to learn to be financially responsible and prepare for the future. “Kids; who wants them, how will you raise them, how will you support them (dual income or stay at home), Deal breakers/the nature of the commitment: people go into marriage with different expectations. Take into consideration that you will mostly want to spend your time with each other and you can’t do totally different things when you’re together. if kids are no, move on. Can we compromise effectively? Ask about heroes, or people or things that influence your partner, including family members, favorite authors, political figures, etc. What do you want in life? If we aren’t talking about our day, we discuss the news, send each other memes and videos, and talk about the current pop culture. Coming up with things to talk about with your crush can be tough. Don’t compete with rabbits. But I really love the suburbs I grew up in and wouldn’t mind living there forever. Financials: expectations, direction you plan to go together and ho you’ll do it. Career goals and what it takes to get there? In the same vein, consider sharing "random" thoughts and emotions, even if they don't seem conversation-worthy. My mom is financially responsible and could retire whenever she wants at this point. More Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend. Don’t get too personal about subjects that make her uncomfortable. After completing this quiz, please talk to your dermatologist about your answers as soon as possible. What do you love that they don’t get? Kids? What if I start drinking too much in the afternoon? We also set a goal to live debt-free (with the exception of mortgage) and have managed to achieve and maintain that. General Future Goals. Stability Not much of a question if you are in for a life of hunting and gathering or a person with great survival skills. If you are a thrifty / a person with reasonable expenses you would certainly hate it if your husband/wife spends a hundred dollars for a fancy meal that only covers merely a tenth of your hunger meter. What if we had only $400.00 in our bank account and I wanted to go away for the weekend, but we needed new tires for the car? What if we meet a great new couple we really like, but the guy flirts with me? She didn’t read it until I decided to see him on my own and he asked me to ask her to come in on her own. But I wanna advance in my career so I can provide my family with a steady income in their own house. “I think you need to have a real hard conversation about the kind of sex life you’re going to be having. Set goals. This could be a major point of contention if you don’t figure it out ahead of time.”. Stick to topics that she seems happy to talk … This moment can certainly be a turning point in a long-term relationship, but there is no need to panic — especially since the more you worry about coming up with something new to say, the harder it'll be. Happy to rise to the occasion but can’t say I’m not a little bit nervous about working hard enough to at least maintain our current quality of life.”. What’s the plan? My ex’s parents had a terrible work ethic and literally nothing in the bank. “As someone who got married in a hurry (wife was 8 months pregnant at our wedding…we’d been together for about 9 months) and is now headed for divorce, I think I can shed some insight. And things like swearing and stuff also come into it.”, “Every relationship has its own boundaries, hard limits and things people are willing to compromise on… figure out what those are for each of you and make sure they align well. Because really, who doesn't love game night? Hard and personal topic that could easily drive you to divorce if it pops up.”. How often do you watch a show together, then turn off the TV and go your separate ways? TKO and all you have to do is say it. So if you aren't already in the habit, consider sharing your highs and lows after you've spent time apart. It creates trust and it pre-empts problems, and just as importantly it stops those little irritants from lingering until they suddenly become horrible, bitter arguments.”. Chances are h… Stígur Már Karlsson /Heimsmyndir/E+/Getty Images, checked in with each other about your future. Do you have any secrets that could end up with us featured on the 11 o’clock news or Who the Fuck Did I Marry?! But instead of finding out where your boyfriend wants to settle down, you can find out what type of vacation your boyfriend likes. Even if you've already had your fair share of arguments, it doesn't hurt to have one "big talk" about your specific views on conflict resolution before marriage. We talked about how to achieve that and we did that before paying off his student loans. If you want your date to go well, you need to make sure you ask the right question. This is major. Another way to break out of a conversation rut is by trying to make each other laugh, Risa Williams, LMFT, a therapist and life coach, tells Bustle. Many women like to be surprised, and others like to be swept off their feet. Sexual Preferences and Orientation You must establish your sexual preferences before getting married. So no kids for a few years. Handling potentially major shocks like kid coming out, failing out of college, being an unexpected prodigy? If it's been a minute, talk about what you'd like to do in the next year, five years, etc., including where you want to travel, where you see your careers going, and so on. You can’t be sensitive since you have to give space and you can’t be insensitive since this will involve your kids. I’m fine with adoption, but I’d always feel like I’m carrying another man’s child or raising another woman’s child with sperm or egg donation. But they're always there. It would’ve been one thing if they had had a run of bad luck, but her mom refused to work and her dad was always a latest get rich scheme kinda guy, so I had no sympathy for them. This is one of the most commonly-avoided topics in long-term relationships prior to marriage. In fact, she recommends setting monthly "budgeting dates" to check in and see how you're both feeling about things you split or share as a couple, like a joint savings account or bills. Use these things and see how magic happens in your love life. What went well? You’re entering what is designed to be an exclusive, life-long partnership. Do you want to file jointly on our taxes? Go to a museum and compare your reactions to the exhibits. How will these things play out with kids and holidays?”. Are you willing to quit any of these if your partner insists on it? We each take $100 in cash each month to spend on whatever we want so that if I want lunch out or he wants to eat donuts, we aren’t seeing that in our credit cards each month. Don’t surprise your partner with a sex talk. Find out all the costs first. — and discuss. ", So, when the mood is right, share your biggest mistakes and missed opportunities with each other, and it might just open the door to some pretty heartfelt discussions. It’s not sexy but it’s important. If one of you is still in school or planning on pursuing a master’s or Ph.D. or something, you really need to sort this out to figure out financials. If it feels like your conversations have screeched to a halt, try stirring up a healthy debate. If he's a new boyfriend, asking fun questions to get to know him, is a good start. How many? On some occasions, she’s really talkative and you can luckily just sit back and relax filling in the conversation with “yeah” and “uh-huh,” but other times you have to introduce a few new topics in order to get her to open up to you. Here's what to talk about when it feels like you've covered everything. So, what do you do next? Fun questions are not only a great way to start a conversation with your boyfriend. I’m currently off the gods, she wants to go occasionally. After spending a lot of time with your girlfriend and discussing deep subjects, sometimes it can be that you don’t know what to say. Do you want to stay where we are, or move? So, while you've likely covered the basics, try to delve deeper by sharing childhood secrets or telling old family stories. “You should ask a thousand questions to someone you’re going to marry. Let your boyfriend know your fantasies and things you’d like to try. My husband is terrible at remembering to pay bills so I took that over. Leisure You can’t just have sex whenever you’re bored. Are you comfortable doing your own things sometimes? I advise 5 bank accounts Long term, short term, joint, and each gets their own. Things to talk about on FaceTime 1. Find out how much debt that person has and share your info as well. Save for retirement how? It’s shocking, but there are people who think proposals are legitimate surprises, as in it’s never been discussed and you asking ‘will you marry me’ isn’t a guaranteed ‘yes’ ’cause you did it before. After all, good communication is the key to a successful, lasting relationship. Feel free to have a third just for household expenses like utilities. "Cooking, working out — something you can do together.". 1 yr, 5 yr, 10 yr plans/goals. Are you the kind of person who will move for a job, or will we both only seek job opportunities where we are now? #11 – Ask Your Girlfriend What Her Definition Of Romance Is. “Unrealistic expectations of social events are one thing me and my wife argue about. Do you have any family traditions that we need to commit to after marriage (like a certain holiday is always at so-and-so’s house, no exceptions)? Outstandingly Adorable Topics to Talk About With Your Boyfriend. "But, a person’s greatest regret in life can reveal a lot about them. Talking to your girlfriend can be pretty rough sometimes. Of course, it's OK to say no and to keep secrets to yourself, if that's what you'd prefer to do. Experience is the best teacher and there is always a first for everything… but if you want a longer life and not die of poisoning or some freak accident at least know half of the basics before thinking of getting married. What if you saw an injured baby deer by the side of the road? Philosophy on punishment and responsibilities? Since you are communicating with your friends at different locations, there will be weather differences around. Do you have a criminal record; if so, what for? can you change that thing the other person hates about you? How do you want to spend your retirement (travel, community, Boca, Alaska)? Vacation fund? Children. It took us both a while to learn to compromise and understand the other on how to make it work.”. Pick a neutral spot (not the bed!) Do you want children in the near future? We didn’t do this until recently and boy, did it drive home for both of us our spending habits that we need to work on. I’d want to know as soon as possible beforehand if we are sexually compatible. How much will you save each month? What if she decides to go back to school. Can’t run an errand? When pimple-like bumps or boils start showing up in areas where skin rubs together, you may question what’s going on with your body. What if I am? So I’m rushing to live as fast as I can. Would you want an abortion? Make a point of bringing levity back into your day by telling funny stories, joking around with each other, and making witty observations. Not saying it’s impossible but lesser risks means lesser arguments as you know what to expect and how to handle situations. Marriages go through ups and downs. It may feel awkward at first, but questions like these can spark a healthy convo that you've probably never had before. For example, we have a deal that anything over $100 that doesn’t include groceries or normal expected bills (i.e., mortgage) has to be run by the other first for approval. But so is knowing the fact that circumstances can change, and so you’ll have to re-plan accordingly. What drives you crazy about the other? Remember to visit a dermatologist once you've completed the quiz, and talk to them about your answers. Dr. Marlene Caroselli, author and speaker, Christie Tcharkhoutian, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist, Anjani Amladi, MD, board-certified adult psychiatrist, Dan Munro, confidence and relationship coach, Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, licensed therapist, Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert, Risa Williams, LMFT, therapist and life coach, Leina Rodriguez, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist, Sarit Fassazadeh, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker, Ashley L. Annestedt, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker, Alysha Perlman, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker, Andrea Woroch, finance and budgeting expert, Stacey Greene, relationship expert and author, This article was originally published on November 22, 2017. retirement goal? But if you don't, it'll quickly turn into a battle of the wits. What types? But do we promise to give as much as we can? Sometimes, I Want to Get Married. do you make enough to stay home? Of course, this doesn't mean blurting out hurtful things, or talking just for the sake of talking. No one gets married planning to divorce so cover as many topics as you possibly can and be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable, unsexy and awkward. “Politics. Not only will this be exciting to talk about, but it will help to connect you closer. Will you be there for me? What if your mom doesn’t like me? Freedom of religion is true, but since you will be living under one roof this is a challenge. What if one of us loses our job and we have to move to a small apartment that doesn’t have air conditioning? Raised voices need to be minimal and the other party should be allowed to say ‘time out, we need to take a break.’ Where and when will you talk about difficult things? Here are a few tips for a productive conversation: 1. Deep Conversation Topics to Talk about with Your Girlfriend. Always remember that saying in your relationship with your girlfriend because it will make a huge difference to your relationship’s happiness. 18 years later we are still married but man those first few years sucked and there is still some residual issues.”. Even if everything else is perfect, with that core of intimacy missing, the marriage is doomed. Can I trust you with my feelings? 100 Deep Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend Find out how compatible you and your boyfriend are by having a question/answer session with deep questions that will help you both learn more about each other. Here is the best collection of 101 things to talk about with your girlfriend in 2019. This was a big thing with me and my ex. via: Pexels / Kasuma. Your answers indicate that you haven’t experienced any of the common symptoms that are typically associated with HS. Also, I would say religion. What if you hate your new job and want to quit without another one? Learn about us. Do you have certain requests for your funeral? do you? If your partner could change one thing from their past, what would it be? “Be absolutely sure you’re sexually compatible. If you answered "always," you're missing out on a prime opportunity to talk about what you just watched, Alysha Perlman, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker, tells Bustle. Do you trust the person, and do they trust you, to have some say in each other’s financial decisions? Then she did none of them, not even the two I identified. What are your deal breakers? Vacations… this sounds silly, but people can have very different ideas of what they want to do with down time… You would probably have to pay me to spend a day at Disney, yet some people love it. Do you want to? What if your father left your mother when she had cancer and your mother was alone? I just don’t mean city or state, but that’s important too. If you cannot grow together (aka change), you are doomed.”, “Talk about how you’re gonna handle the parents, especially when they’re older. Kids. But she will not share with anyone whom she has just met. “Not just whether you want kids, but how you plan to raise them. maybe you have to revisit religion here. "The mental strain of trying to think of something new can easily take over the vibe of the conversation." "It’s fun to dream and get excited," Tcharkhoutian says. If you both agree, cool. Or, strike out on your own for an evening. I didn’t want her parents to be drain on that. Little things build up and build up over months and years, and without that solid foundation, that essential connection, there’s nothing really that sets it apart from a really good friendship. Also when she stuck by me as I got really sick with an incurable disease really helped me understand that this it’s the woman that I want to marry and spend the rest of my days living, arguing, traveling, and fighting with. You don’t want to have a racist partner who says he respects you but mocks your people. Keep in mind this is coming from someone with a Christian background so take it with a grain of salt if you’re of different beliefs. While I wouldn’t necessarily mind marrying someone spiritual, the ones who strongly identify with any kind of formal religion and actively practice might want to raise their kids the same way. Please note: This quiz is not meant to diagnose patients with HS. Have you ever played the question game? Once it’s all out of the way (assuming you know marriage is the right choice) you’ll be glad.”, Like most young adults getting married for the first time, it never occurred to me to do this, and if my fiancé had brought it up, I’d probably have battled with injured feelings and doubt, but even if neither of you have a dime starting out, and even if you can’t imagine money ever being a point of contention between you, the fact remains that financial issues are one of the primary precursors to divorce, and you’ll be doing yourselves and any children (existing or potential) involved a big favor by ruling it out from the get-go.”, “How much time do you want to spend with each other? Marriage isn’t easy, but it had been the best experience of my life.”. Are you both fulfilled? Extended Family/Religion: what prominence do each of you expect these things to play in your life? Your conversations may not always be interesting, exciting, or meaningful… but they strengthen your relationship nonetheless, and that’s the most important thing! You might even learn something new about each other. Set a budget for how much money you can spend on fun stuff like eating out, movies, etc. You absolutely need a plan for when things get rough. do they go to church/temple/mosque regularly or on the holidays or not at all? Especially if one works and one is a homemaking/stay at home parent? How do you budget? Political differences? My wife wants to be a stay at home mom and I think that’s awesome. Again, we lucked out with family, but how will issues with relatives, especially elderly, disabled, troubled, etc. Money? 1). Sex—likes and dislikes. “Drugs. From there, consider ways to support each other in taking steps towards a more ideal job, if possible. If one of you is low-libido and the other is high, you’re going to have a bad time. “In the event of infertility, are you OK with: Only after we went through that question, I realized I wasn’t ok with sperm or egg donation. I strongly encourage you to have separate credit cards. 2. If someone has an issue with this, I’d want to know so we can resolve it. Planning is essential. For example, I am a SAHM. Mental health history? "Topics can include everything from discussing how to cut back on monthly bills, to negotiating a raise at work, to shopping around for the best deal on a new piece of furniture.". As Munro says, the "noise inside your head" can be quite interesting. (my husband stuck with me after my mom committed suicide, and still married me- after seeing me in what could easily be considered the darkest ugliest year of my life- most of which I do not remember- He took care of me. ", You might also turn it into ritual to answer one night a week while eating dinner, as a way of checking in and reconnecting. The more honest and open you are, the better your relationship will feel. Do you want to rent or own? When I had my own place, she didn’t notice when we weren’t together as much, because she couldn’t see it. It’s been a rough three years, but the end is near. No sarcasm (for the love of God, no sarcasm). Do you like pets, what kind and how many do you want to have? Pets… Do you want any? I’m a wedding DJ. Joint or separate bank accounts? Imagining relationships are more intimate than they really are. Some people can’t sit still on the beach for 30 minutes straight, and some would love to for weeks on end. I’ve recently learned of cluster B personality disorders, which includes narcissism, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder. What if he needs to make a midlife career change. Your answers indicate that you haven’t experienced any of the common symptoms that are typically associated with HS. 101 Things to Talk About with Your Girlfriend. Take heed of the advice from others below that was found on, Unique Holiday Gifts from Thought Catalog , 18 People Share The One Crushing Secret They’re Keeping From Their Significant Other, The 5 Most Important Pieces Of Relationship Advice, 39 Discussions Every Couple Needs To Have Before Getting Married, 11 Happily Married People Give Their Brutally Honest Advice For Folks Who Want LTRs, The 20 Most Important Things To Know About Marriage Before You Get Engaged, According To Happily Married People, My 89-Year-Old Grandma Taught Me How To Be Single. Keep these deep conversation topics in mind the next time you and your girlfriend take a long drive, share a romantic dinner, or stay up talking all night. What realistically would cause you to leave the marriage? Over these past few years, I’ve learned a lot about myself and about her. Sex… How often do you each want it? Define what each of your deal breakers would be. These tips will make it easy to find topics to talk about with any girl – whether she’s your girlfriend or you’re on a first date. If both of you agree to this, you can get through a lot of stuff that can otherwise kill a relationship. “Do you want children? If you love this person and agree or compromise on most stuff (I mean you just wanna punch their kinda racist uncle in the face, but you can refrain if you only have to see him at weddings and funerals. On that subject, and financially, what will we eat and how often will it be out versus at home? “My number one question to ask is this: Are you willing, regardless of anything else that is going on, to be open in communicating with me about what is on your mind? Kids are probably the next big one, my wife and I are 100% no’s on that one so it’s a non-issue for us at least, and it’s been that way for long before we met each other so there’s not much concern about either of us changing our minds. She agreed to try on our own, but then wouldn’t follow through. It was important to me to see how she handled it and the decisions that she made because there are always going to be times when you both are under tremendous pressure. If you can't shake the nagging feeling you've "run out of things to say," Munro says it's often a sign you're keeping your cards too close to your chest, and not letting each other in. The need to be the center of attention. Why do you think people decide to be vegetarian? If you both like the same stuff, that’s always better. ", Life can certainly feel monotonous when you're following the same schedule day in and day out. 25 interesting topics to talk about. When was the last time you checked in with each other about your future? Will you agree not to try and make me eat tofu instead of steak if you go vegan? Do you respect me? You don’t have to be shy. Finances both short and long term. Am I important to you? who wants to? When in doubt, turn to the trusty internet for some couple-y questions, as a way of finding new things to talk about, Sarit Fassazadeh, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker, tells Bustle. adopt? Finances—bill payments, family/joint vs. individual accounts, tax filing, rent/mortgage payments, etc. Are you fine with dragging a falling-down-drunk spouse home, and if so, how often? If you have reasonable doubt about any of these, don’t marry the person. Instead, it's about pulling inspiration from your inner dialogue — your daydreams, thoughts, concerns, etc. I wasn’t raised to believe in religion, and I’m not planning to raise my kids any differently, so it would potentially be an issue if it wasn’t sorted out early. As a bonus, it'll help you make better decisions as a couple going forward. Almost all of these conversation ideas can be repeated in your together time, and the best part about these topics is that your partner will always have a new answer each time you ask most of these questions. Then one day you’ll find yourself fighting and on the verge of dropping the bomb. What if I think our kids would do better in private school? Are there relatives one of you just can’t abide? Can you talk politics and beliefs that are vastly different from each other without name calling or resorting to ugly behavior? The lives you have and dream of are not necessarily the ones you will get. Another way to make each other laugh? Ask how your partner feels, right this moment. You have to discuss how you will face inevitable change, and learn how to actually do it long before you get married. If either of you feels stuck in life or in your relationship, going back to school or making a career change might be just what you need to feel inspired again. When you meet up again, you'll both have plenty to discuss. "If you have been with your partner for a while then you can absolutely revisit old topics," Klapow says. "Reading a book together or watching a movie and then having mindful conversations surrounding your thoughts about it can be a great way to connect and talk about something other than the day-to-day," she says. Buy the Art of Conversation Card Game and pick topics off the cards to talk about. wanna buy a house? How was work? Expectations for working or staying home with child(s)? Long term goals. Wife was kind of bummed about this, but I made my case and she understands. How much space are you willing to give each other? Feeling overworked, overwhelmed, and unappreciated in your relationship will kill it as quickly as anything else.”, “How you would handle a sick (physical or mental) child. Basically, is there anyone your SO has trouble saying ‘no’ to, who has demonstrably taken advantage of this on more than one occasion? So, how's your sex life? Decide who it’s okay to discuss your problems with. Can’t talk to customer service? Does your significant other have an aunt, uncle or cousin who frequently ‘borrows’ money, to whom your SO can’t seem to say no? Is too gullible to strangers? Your idea of equally splitting chores may be far from theirs. Practical help for your family just got easier to find. If that’s the case, it could be an issue and I’d want to know sooner than later. Maybe he wants to fix up a car. Thank God.”. Marriage is about a million different compromises. Sounds small and petty but after you say I do and your spouse expects you to be responsible for the lion’s share of the work (professional & domestic) resentment builds up fast. Although this is like Pandora’s Box and you don’t really want to open the subject, in case you are looking for funny things to talk about with your boyfriend, this should be on the top of your list. Next month is our 25th anniversary and we’re in the process of getting a divorce. "Find a new hobby to enjoy together," Stef Safran, a relationship expert, tells Bustle. “Are you my friend? child care? But when we did, she didn’t follow through. If you’re on life support when do you want the plug pulled?”, “Who will be your priority: me or your mommy?”. Do you always want to live here or would you be OK moving for work? Learning how to talk to girls is super important though, especially if you want to learn how to get a girlfriend. What if we plan on not having children but I get pregnant and want to keep the baby? 1. I haven’t known them my entire life, so it’s hard to get excited about seeing people I don’t have much in common with.”. Extended familial involvement? Not to mention you probably won’t be able to settle down until you’re both done. You can wait until you’re a little older, early 30s for example, to set yourself up to afford it. How big do you want yours to be? I read the descriptions of these and see how her behaviors fit so many of the traits. Circumstances in which pregnancy could/should be terminated? How many? Are there conflicts? "Most people rarely pursue their dream job," Bennett says. how old is your car and how important is it to replace? if yes or maybe, how will they be raised? Here are 46 topics and questions to discuss with your boyfriend or girlfriend so you never run out of things to talk about ever again. maybe your SO likes Dr. Phil, but you have an Xbox and headphones and they’re okay with that.) Not just pot and the like, but smoking and alcohol, too. Will we decide things together or will you try to decide them for me? "Truly, once in a while it feels great to just stare, gaze, smile, cuddle, hold hands, etc." There is, however, a twist or two, Dan Munro, a confidence and relationship coach, tells Bustle. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. In utero and if and when it’s born. Life will fucking punch you in the stomach sometimes. Expectations for caring for elderly parents? You know by now what you can say to this person that there’s no coming back from. Learning more will help you see each other with fresh eyes. She will talk about it only when she thinks you to be special. Do you want to be buried or cremated? The country? Once you've been with your partner for a minute, it can sometimes feel like you've talked about everything. Click here. But it's also fun to share your fantasies, especially if you've never talked about them before. "It also can help bring you outside of the daily routine and rut," and ensure that you're working towards these things together. What if one of us gets an illness that prohibits intercourse for months at a time? From casual matters to more serious subjects, choose conversation topics that build your relationship. Should we get married? to discuss this sensitive topic. Where to live/retire? “What are the plans for when things get rough? What happens if you want to move away from or closer to family? It doesn’t have to be set in stone, but knowing how each of you approach life (ambitions, dreams, aspirations) will help you understand if you’ll be compatible in the long run. Major differences are possible red flags in marriage. What does each person ideally want near them as far as big cities, open countries, oceans, hiking, fishing…? Things that you will never think to ask will come up. "Find a provocative quotation and discuss your separate interpretations," Dr. Marlene Caroselli, an author and speaker, tells Bustle. How to Handle Change. There is nothing worse than being married to a back-stabbing critic who always assumes the worst about you. What if you won fifty-thousand dollars? When she finally read the book, she told me she could hear 4 of the languages in me and she laughed saying ‘I’ll never be able to do that’ as if it was a joke. “I’m gonna say religion (everything else I thought of has already been said). Take the quiz to see if your symptoms may be HS—a chronic inflammatory skin condition that may be linked to the immune system. 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